Boundaries: the requisite to live in peace & harmony w/ Melissa D. Barry
Updated: Oct 4
"You get what you tolerate.” quote by Henry Cloud.
Have you ever said yes to something out of obligation, guilt, or fear when you really did not want to? Does it sound familiar to you to not say no, stretching yourself too thin to comply or help others, and then feel resentful toward the other person? That is what used to happen to me, overstretching my own limits to be helpful and being met with people who considered that normal coming from me since I gave them this habit. Being taken for granted and depleting my own energy while carrying negative feelings like disappointment and resentment. Did you or do you feel the same?
I’ve been talking a lot about boundaries throughout many episodes already but I think I’ve never fully dived into the nitty gritty of it.
We desperately lack boundaries for different reasons, which may be stemming:
from childhood: having integrated the "good girl", "good boy", "be nice" messaging, feeling like you don’t have a say or have to agree with what adults tell you.
from having been raised by narcissistic parents or parents dealing with mental or emotional unbalances who taught their kids that they don’t have needs or even if they do they shouldn’t be voiced - now as adults, they have a very hard time not only setting boundaries but saying no too.
from people pleasing: doing things out of fear, guilt or to avoid conflict, over-extending self, or self-sacrificing to keep the peace and everyone happy instead of staying true to your inner knowing, inner guidance.
That results in us not really thinking about our boundaries, by default. We don’t really know what are our limits so other people obviously don’t know ours and will cross the line left and right until we put our foot down.
I think it’s super important to talk more about boundaries and how lacking them can be stressful, and detrimental to our well-being and to living in harmony with ourselves. That’s something that I had to learn to understand and incorporate into my own life and let me tell you that since then, I’ve been living a life that is much less overwhelming and stressful and much more peaceful. So let’s see how to empower ourselves with strong and healthy boundaries.
Listen up to this gem,